"Simon and Garfunkel?" I asked. "You are kidding me." "No. You don't like this? Come on now! You've got like the Simon & Garfunkel." He said. I just laughed. "Okay then." I said, and looked away. "I'm just kidding. It's for my mom." He told me. "Sure it is." I said. "It is! I swear." He told me. "This is for me." He said, picking up a +44 cd. "Really?" I asked. "Yeah, why?" He asked. "It just didn't seem like your taste in music." I told him. "Why is that?" He asked me. "You just seem to tough for it, thats all." I told him. "Nah. I'm a big softie." He said, and sighed. I let out a loud laugh and a man in the row facing us gave me a weird look, which made Luken laugh. After Luken payed for his CD's, we left Underground Records, and started walking through the mall. "Hey, are you hungry?" He turned to me and asked. "Are you joking? We just ate." I asked him. "I know, but I'm still hungry." He said. "I'm not, but I would love a smoothie." I said. "Smoothie it is then." He said, and we walked to the food court. When we got there he bought me a smoothie and a slice of pizza for himself. "So, what now?" I asked, as he finished his last bite of pizza. I was still sipping on my smoothie. "Now, you wait here for a second. I'll be right back." He said, jumping up from the table and running off. "What the hell?" I said to myself, watching him go. I shrugged and continued to drink my smoothie. Luken came rushing back only moments later. "Hey, there you are." I told him. "And here you are." He said, handing me a ring. "A ring?" I asked him. "Yeah, I thought it looked cool." He said. It was silver and had some cool etchings in it. Well, I don't think it was real silver, but it looked like it. "It might be a little big." I told him. "I tried to guess." He said. "It's okay. Look! It fits on my thumb." I said, and held out my hand. "And it looks stunning." He said. "Stunning? I don't know about stunning, but it is pretty cool." I told him. We spent a few more hours walking around the mall before we decided to go back to his house. "So, do you have school tonight?" He asked. "No. Well, I do, but I'm going to call my teachers and let them know I wont be there. I really don't want to go tonight." I told him. "Would you rather, maybe, hang out with me?" He asked. "Why, I would love to." I told him, and he smiled. "You are cute when you smile." I said, and he blushed. "Now THAT is even cuter. Maybe you are a big softie." I said, and he laughed. We got off the bus near his house and walked to it. When we got there Stuart was still sound asleep in his room. The house was quiet and we could hear him snoring. "Poor guy." I said, and giggled. "Yeah. He'll be okay though." Luken said. He took my hand and walked me down the hallway and to a room at the end. He opened the door, and flicked on the lights. "My home sweet home." He said. The room was small, and had hardly anything in it. An old metal desk with a laptop and a tiny desk lamp, a small twin bed with a simple green wool blanket over it, and one pillow. There was a closet, but no dresser. And the only thing he had on his wall was a big american flag with a big black star spray painted over the center. It hung over his bed. "Not much, but it's how I like it." He said. "Very neat and tidy." I told him, not really sure what to say. "Thanks." He said, and sat down on his bed. I sat down next to him, but scooted backwards so my back was leaning against his wall, and the flag. "Where you in the army or something?" I asked, looking around at the sparse furnishings. "No. I wanted to be though. Well, not so much in the US Army, as much as just in an army." He said. "When you hung out with the skin heads?" I asked. "Yeah. Before I realized what everything was really about with them. I read so many books, and the more I read, the more disgusted I was with it all." He said. "Oh." I told him, not entirely sure what to say. I detested everyone who was associated with those groups. "So, what made you change your mind? And move to California?" I asked him. He didn't answer, he looked lost in thought. "I hate all that shit." I said, and he looked up at me. "Because of Taylor?" He asked. "NO. Because of what it did to Taylor." I told him. "I loved him." I looked up at Luken and he was staring back at me. I suddenly wanted to tell him about everything. "Taylor and I started dating almost imediatly out of highschool. He had never associated with The Guns, or the skin heads, or anything. I guess you could call him a punk, but he didn't entirely fit into that catagory either. He was just Taylor. Funny, smart, and a sweetheart. He had a really horrible angry streak in him though. He got it from his father. It almost never came out of him though. We dated for about two years before he ran into some guys he recognized from highschool at a pick up basket ball at St. Peter's park. I wasn't there, but I heard the story. I guess some black guys were giving him and Tracy shit. They were good, and I don't think the black guys liked it. Taylor always got hot headed in situations like that, so I can only imagine him going off on the guys. Aparently one of the guys pulled a knife, and Taylor went nuts. He lost it, and beat the shit out of the guy. They guy he beat up, and his friend left, and Taylor and Tracy were about to leave when a whole group walked to the courts. I guess they had Taylor and Tracy cournered, ready to beat the living shit out of them, then The Guns showed up. There was a big fight, but The Guns won out. Probably more because of the fact that they had better weapons, and not that they were better fighters. That started it. At first I didn't mind Taylor hanging out with all the guys. They were all pretty decent. At least around me. The party's were fun. Everything seemed cool. One night, maybe a few months ago, I got home early from school and he was having some kind of meeting with the guys at our apartment. For several weeks Taylor had been on a shorter and shorter fuse. I look back now and can read the signs that he was just waiting to expload. I wish I had known that then. Anyway, it was some white supremacy meeting. Which I was, and always have been, entirely against. I flipped out and told everyone to leave. Taylor kicked ME out of the apartment, instead of them. He said I was embarassing him. I should have left then, but like I said, I loved him. He was slowly turning into a different person. A few weeks later he was completely withdrawn. He wouldn't say more then a few words to me. Hardly ate. Hardly did anything. I wouldn't even have sex with me, and he was NEVER one to give that up. I was worried, so I followed him one night. He went to some guy's house for a party. Well, that is what he said anyway. He never even knew I followed him. I waited outside the house for a few minutes, and then walked inside. The place was full of people. It looked like a fucking rally or something. I stood in the back. There was a little podeum at the front of the living room. I guess it was a living room. There wasn't a single scrap of furnature, except for the podium. There were Nazi Flags on the wall. It was horrible. An older guy was up there rambling on and on about something, but I wasn't paying much attention. I was watching Taylor, who was standing behind the guy with Tracy. There was some big, square thing beside them with a flag drapped over it. 'These ANIMALS! These SCUM!' the guy shouted with all the enthusiasm and self richious rage of an insane preacher. I could just see him start to speak in tounges or something. It gave me the chills. Suddenly Taylor ripped the flag off the cage. I was struck with horror. I had to try not to throw up." I stopped the story when my eyes started to tear up. "You don't have to tell this." Luken said, putting his arm around me. "I do." I said, and continued. "In the cage was a woman. A beaten up black woman. Her face was wet with tears of fear, pain, and terror. I pushed my way through the crowd a little, but not close enough for Taylor to see me. There were rats in the cage with the poor woman. I nearly vomited right there. I even had to put my hand to my mouth. This was beyond anything I had ever seen, heard, or read about. It didn't even seem possible. It wasn't human. Taylor opened the door to the cage, and Tracy dragged her out, and held her up. He had one arm holding her hands behind her, and his other pulling her hair, so her head was back, exposing her neck. It was like time froze. Then Taylor pulled a knife from his belt. A knife I had given him for his birthday the year before. I lost it. I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs! 'NOOOOOOOO!', I shouted, and pushed my way all the way to the front. "What are you doing?" I yelled at Taylor. The crowd had gone quiet. He looked almost confused. But he that look didn't hide the look of hatred stamped on his face. 'What are you DOING?' I yelled, and I was crying by then. 'You don't understand. 'You will NEVER understand, you Cunt!' he shouted. The crowd that had gone suddenly quiet when I ran up front, let out a cheer. Then I was afraid. I looked at Tracy, and he had a look of complete terror on his face while he held the woman up. He shouldn't have been there. He wasn't made of the same hate and rage as the rest of them. He was only there because Taylor was. Taylor pushed me, and I fell to the ground. I tried to get up, and he kicked me. Tracy shoved the girl back in the large dog cage. I stood up, and just stared at Taylor. He punched me in the face and I flew backwards into the wall. Surprisingly No one in the crowd came forward. They just watched like it was some sick movie. Taylor held his hand up and looked at my blood on his hand. A look of horror crossed his face. We had been eachothers highschool sweethearts. And he had just punched me. 'I'm so sorry." He said, and walked over to me. He tried to help me up, but I spit in his face. He looked confused. I stood up, holding my jaw and limped over to the woman. I started to open the cage. Taylor grabbed my arm. 'Let go.' I told him. He just stared at me. 'LET GO!', I demanded, and he did. I opened the cage and helped her climbe out. I was scared to death. I held her hand while we walked to the door. Then the crowd shifted and blocked the path to the front door. 'Fuck'. I whispered.'No. That is not how these things go my child.' The old man said in his mock-priest voice. 'Finish what you started here. Or what your foolish girl started.' He said to Taylor. I turned around and faced them, pushing the woman behind me. Some guy grabbed her. Taylor walked over to me, grabbed me by the hair, and swung me into the wall. I don't remember much more then that. Only him beating the living shit out of me, in front of the whole crowd. They were all cheering, laughing, spitting. And I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital. Several days later. Ceci said she couldn't even recognize me. That when they let her in the room to see me, she thought they had sent her to the wrong room. I found out later that the woman, Dina, made it out okay. She was beaten, but not as bad as me. The cops showed up before they got her too bad. No one was arested from that night. I was on the living room floor with Dina. Bloody, beaten and broken. Left to die. I told the cops everything about what I had seen, and when they went to the house it was empty. cleaned out. My blood was there, and that was it. It was horrible. I was in the hospital for a few weeks. When I got out I moved into a place with Ceci. Taylor found me shortly after and came and actually tried to apologize. I sent him away though. But he kept coming back. He was stalking me. Everyone said I had taken drugs and imagined the whole thing. That I was beat up because they had tried to subdue me in my drug rage. It's bullshit. I've never done a drug in my life. Taylor apologized, over, and over, and over, but I kept calling the police. He broke in once, and we got into a huge argument. Ceci was home and called the cops before he did anything to hurt me. That was the domestic abuse charge you heard the officer talking about last night. I got a restraining order, and moved. I hadn't seen him for a few months. Not until last night." I said, finishing the story. I had been crying the whole time. Luken pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. "It's over now." He said. "For now. It'll never be over." I told him. He hugged me, and I felt safe. I hadn't felt safe like that in a very long time.
1 Comments:
"Simon and Garfunkel?" I asked. "You are kidding me."
"No. You don't like this? Come on now! You've got like the Simon & Garfunkel." He said. I just laughed.
"Okay then." I said, and looked away.
"I'm just kidding. It's for my mom." He told me.
"Sure it is." I said.
"It is! I swear." He told me.
"This is for me." He said, picking up a +44 cd.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yeah, why?" He asked.
"It just didn't seem like your taste in music." I told him.
"Why is that?" He asked me.
"You just seem to tough for it, thats all." I told him.
"Nah. I'm a big softie." He said, and sighed. I let out a loud laugh and a man in the row facing us gave me a weird look, which made Luken laugh.
After Luken payed for his CD's, we left Underground Records, and started walking through the mall.
"Hey, are you hungry?" He turned to me and asked.
"Are you joking? We just ate." I asked him.
"I know, but I'm still hungry." He said.
"I'm not, but I would love a smoothie." I said.
"Smoothie it is then." He said, and we walked to the food court. When we got there he bought me a smoothie and a slice of pizza for himself.
"So, what now?" I asked, as he finished his last bite of pizza. I was still sipping on my smoothie.
"Now, you wait here for a second. I'll be right back." He said, jumping up from the table and running off.
"What the hell?" I said to myself, watching him go. I shrugged and continued to drink my smoothie. Luken came rushing back only moments later.
"Hey, there you are." I told him.
"And here you are." He said, handing me a ring.
"A ring?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I thought it looked cool." He said. It was silver and had some cool etchings in it. Well, I don't think it was real silver, but it looked like it.
"It might be a little big." I told him.
"I tried to guess." He said.
"It's okay. Look! It fits on my thumb." I said, and held out my hand.
"And it looks stunning." He said.
"Stunning? I don't know about stunning, but it is pretty cool." I told him.
We spent a few more hours walking around the mall before we decided to go back to his house.
"So, do you have school tonight?" He asked.
"No. Well, I do, but I'm going to call my teachers and let them know I wont be there. I really don't want to go tonight." I told him.
"Would you rather, maybe, hang out with me?" He asked.
"Why, I would love to." I told him, and he smiled.
"You are cute when you smile." I said, and he blushed.
"Now THAT is even cuter. Maybe you are a big softie." I said, and he laughed. We got off the bus near his house and walked to it. When we got there Stuart was still sound asleep in his room. The house was quiet and we could hear him snoring.
"Poor guy." I said, and giggled.
"Yeah. He'll be okay though." Luken said. He took my hand and walked me down the hallway and to a room at the end. He opened the door, and flicked on the lights.
"My home sweet home." He said. The room was small, and had hardly anything in it. An old metal desk with a laptop and a tiny desk lamp, a small twin bed with a simple green wool blanket over it, and one pillow. There was a closet, but no dresser. And the only thing he had on his wall was a big american flag with a big black star spray painted over the center. It hung over his bed.
"Not much, but it's how I like it." He said.
"Very neat and tidy." I told him, not really sure what to say.
"Thanks." He said, and sat down on his bed. I sat down next to him, but scooted backwards so my back was leaning against his wall, and the flag.
"Where you in the army or something?" I asked, looking around at the sparse furnishings.
"No. I wanted to be though. Well, not so much in the US Army, as much as just in an army." He said.
"When you hung out with the skin heads?" I asked.
"Yeah. Before I realized what everything was really about with them. I read so many books, and the more I read, the more disgusted I was with it all." He said.
"Oh." I told him, not entirely sure what to say. I detested everyone who was associated with those groups.
"So, what made you change your mind? And move to California?" I asked him. He didn't answer, he looked lost in thought.
"I hate all that shit." I said, and he looked up at me.
"Because of Taylor?" He asked.
"NO. Because of what it did to Taylor." I told him. "I loved him." I looked up at Luken and he was staring back at me. I suddenly wanted to tell him about everything.
"Taylor and I started dating almost imediatly out of highschool. He had never associated with The Guns, or the skin heads, or anything. I guess you could call him a punk, but he didn't entirely fit into that catagory either. He was just Taylor. Funny, smart, and a sweetheart. He had a really horrible angry streak in him though. He got it from his father. It almost never came out of him though. We dated for about two years before he ran into some guys he recognized from highschool at a pick up basket ball at St. Peter's park. I wasn't there, but I heard the story. I guess some black guys were giving him and Tracy shit. They were good, and I don't think the black guys liked it. Taylor always got hot headed in situations like that, so I can only imagine him going off on the guys. Aparently one of the guys pulled a knife, and Taylor went nuts. He lost it, and beat the shit out of the guy. They guy he beat up, and his friend left, and Taylor and Tracy were about to leave when a whole group walked to the courts. I guess they had Taylor and Tracy cournered, ready to beat the living shit out of them, then The Guns showed up. There was a big fight, but The Guns won out. Probably more because of the fact that they had better weapons, and not that they were better fighters. That started it. At first I didn't mind Taylor hanging out with all the guys. They were all pretty decent. At least around me. The party's were fun. Everything seemed cool. One night, maybe a few months ago, I got home early from school and he was having some kind of meeting with the guys at our apartment. For several weeks Taylor had been on a shorter and shorter fuse. I look back now and can read the signs that he was just waiting to expload. I wish I had known that then. Anyway, it was some white supremacy meeting. Which I was, and always have been, entirely against. I flipped out and told everyone to leave. Taylor kicked ME out of the apartment, instead of them. He said I was embarassing him. I should have left then, but like I said, I loved him. He was slowly turning into a different person. A few weeks later he was completely withdrawn. He wouldn't say more then a few words to me. Hardly ate. Hardly did anything. I wouldn't even have sex with me, and he was NEVER one to give that up. I was worried, so I followed him one night. He went to some guy's house for a party. Well, that is what he said anyway. He never even knew I followed him. I waited outside the house for a few minutes, and then walked inside. The place was full of people. It looked like a fucking rally or something. I stood in the back. There was a little podeum at the front of the living room. I guess it was a living room. There wasn't a single scrap of furnature, except for the podium. There were Nazi Flags on the wall. It was horrible. An older guy was up there rambling on and on about something, but I wasn't paying much attention. I was watching Taylor, who was standing behind the guy with Tracy. There was some big, square thing beside them with a flag drapped over it. 'These ANIMALS! These SCUM!' the guy shouted with all the enthusiasm and self richious rage of an insane preacher. I could just see him start to speak in tounges or something. It gave me the chills. Suddenly Taylor ripped the flag off the cage. I was struck with horror. I had to try not to throw up." I stopped the story when my eyes started to tear up.
"You don't have to tell this." Luken said, putting his arm around me.
"I do." I said, and continued. "In the cage was a woman. A beaten up black woman. Her face was wet with tears of fear, pain, and terror. I pushed my way through the crowd a little, but not close enough for Taylor to see me. There were rats in the cage with the poor woman. I nearly vomited right there. I even had to put my hand to my mouth. This was beyond anything I had ever seen, heard, or read about. It didn't even seem possible. It wasn't human. Taylor opened the door to the cage, and Tracy dragged her out, and held her up. He had one arm holding her hands behind her, and his other pulling her hair, so her head was back, exposing her neck. It was like time froze. Then Taylor pulled a knife from his belt. A knife I had given him for his birthday the year before. I lost it. I screamed. I screamed at the top of my lungs! 'NOOOOOOOO!', I shouted, and pushed my way all the way to the front.
"What are you doing?" I yelled at Taylor. The crowd had gone quiet. He looked almost confused. But he that look didn't hide the look of hatred stamped on his face.
'What are you DOING?' I yelled, and I was crying by then. 'You don't understand. 'You will NEVER understand, you Cunt!' he shouted. The crowd that had gone suddenly quiet when I ran up front, let out a cheer. Then I was afraid. I looked at Tracy, and he had a look of complete terror on his face while he held the woman up. He shouldn't have been there. He wasn't made of the same hate and rage as the rest of them. He was only there because Taylor was. Taylor pushed me, and I fell to the ground. I tried to get up, and he kicked me. Tracy shoved the girl back in the large dog cage. I stood up, and just stared at Taylor. He punched me in the face and I flew backwards into the wall. Surprisingly No one in the crowd came forward. They just watched like it was some sick movie. Taylor held his hand up and looked at my blood on his hand. A look of horror crossed his face. We had been eachothers highschool sweethearts. And he had just punched me. 'I'm so sorry." He said, and walked over to me. He tried to help me up, but I spit in his face. He looked confused. I stood up, holding my jaw and limped over to the woman. I started to open the cage. Taylor grabbed my arm. 'Let go.' I told him. He just stared at me. 'LET GO!', I demanded, and he did. I opened the cage and helped her climbe out. I was scared to death. I held her hand while we walked to the door. Then the crowd shifted and blocked the path to the front door. 'Fuck'. I whispered.'No. That is not how these things go my child.' The old man said in his mock-priest voice. 'Finish what you started here. Or what your foolish girl started.' He said to Taylor. I turned around and faced them, pushing the woman behind me. Some guy grabbed her. Taylor walked over to me, grabbed me by the hair, and swung me into the wall. I don't remember much more then that. Only him beating the living shit out of me, in front of the whole crowd. They were all cheering, laughing, spitting. And I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital. Several days later. Ceci said she couldn't even recognize me. That when they let her in the room to see me, she thought they had sent her to the wrong room. I found out later that the woman, Dina, made it out okay. She was beaten, but not as bad as me. The cops showed up before they got her too bad. No one was arested from that night. I was on the living room floor with Dina. Bloody, beaten and broken. Left to die. I told the cops everything about what I had seen, and when they went to the house it was empty. cleaned out. My blood was there, and that was it. It was horrible. I was in the hospital for a few weeks. When I got out I moved into a place with Ceci. Taylor found me shortly after and came and actually tried to apologize. I sent him away though. But he kept coming back. He was stalking me. Everyone said I had taken drugs and imagined the whole thing. That I was beat up because they had tried to subdue me in my drug rage. It's bullshit. I've never done a drug in my life. Taylor apologized, over, and over, and over, but I kept calling the police. He broke in once, and we got into a huge argument. Ceci was home and called the cops before he did anything to hurt me. That was the domestic abuse charge you heard the officer talking about last night. I got a restraining order, and moved. I hadn't seen him for a few months. Not until last night." I said, finishing the story. I had been crying the whole time. Luken pulled me closer and kissed my forehead.
"It's over now." He said.
"For now. It'll never be over." I told him. He hugged me, and I felt safe. I hadn't felt safe like that in a very long time.
Post a Comment
<< Home